Priti Patel: “Comin’ over ‘ere expecting not to be killed”

With yet another death in detention of an asylum seeker and criticism of Britain’s human rights from whoever, The Cannibal’s Gazette has invited Home Secretary Priti Patel to defend her policies concerning asylum seekers.  Bloody so called asylum seekers, comin' over 'ere expecting not to be killed. That’s entitlement that is, that’s taking the piss.  … Continue reading Priti Patel: “Comin’ over ‘ere expecting not to be killed”


I don’t believe in love at first sight any more than you do, Anatol. I well recall your saying to me, as we sat drinking seven franc wine beside the grave of Jean-Paul- that ‘love’ was but a meta-sign, that articulated the system of emotional absurdity, and as such, offered little opportunity for self-transcendence. That … Continue reading Julienne

On the way to the Paradise Club

We’d called into Control at midnight and had been given the location for that night’s manifestation of the Paradise Club – a Second World War airbase in rural Essex. Since then it seemed, how long? Two hours, five? The first few roadblocks had pushed us into Hertfordshire and sectioned the convoy up into smaller and … Continue reading On the way to the Paradise Club

Jordan Peterson’s 12 rules for life

☞ Stand up straight, be polite, speak nice. ☞ Live with honour. ☞ Sit up straight at dinner time. Never put your elbows on the table. Sit up straight at dinner time without elbows but with honour. ☞ Polish your shoes every day. Never put your elbows in the shoe polish. Polish your shoes every … Continue reading Jordan Peterson’s 12 rules for life

Brigadier Robert D’Alby

A sweaty tale of irresistible desire within remote salty environs. Brigadier Robert D'Alby of those immaculate Glorious Roscommon’s was a fine figure of a man. As a Sandhurst officer cadet, it was crystal clear D’Alby was hewn from exactly the right stuff- possessing athleticism, but devoid of narcissism; employing a military style of life, minus … Continue reading Brigadier Robert D’Alby

Breaking: Humanity all shagged out!

Let’s be clear: the slow death of humanity through mass infertility is a good thing. This nightmare vision of SF and dystopian literature is, to the well-organised mind, a dream come true.  For decades scientists have been telling us about falling sperm counts, an impending infertility crisis. As the evidence mounts, the prospect has turned … Continue reading Breaking: Humanity all shagged out!

The Cannibal’s Gazette Keir Starmer interview

CannGaz: Thank you for joining us Sir Keir. The Tories have been dishing out government contracts worth billions of pounds to their donors and old school friends, in many cases these people were not experienced or competent in the areas of expertise for which they were paid. So while they got fat, they failed to … Continue reading The Cannibal’s Gazette Keir Starmer interview


Small-handed, bouffant, bloated, bloviating fuckwad. Non-builder of walls. Son of frigid sociopathic privilege. Man baby. Rich kid. Cry baby. Man boob. Master of delusion. Twitter Tourettic. Fabulist. Anacoluthon. Blob. Orange supremacist. Racist. Narcissist. Solipsist. Rentier. Arriviste. Arsonist. Insurrectionist. Knee-jerk-jerk-jerk fascist, champion of Tiki torch warriors. Golfer. America’s Nero. Emperor encephalitis. Parasite. Mushroom prick. Cockwomble. Chump. … Continue reading 45

The behind the scenes deals that seal no deal

Of course there’s no deal. There was never meant to be a deal.  The talk, the manoeuvring, the posturing, the negotiations have been an elaborate pantomime, a pretence at getting a deal because no deal was what Johnson and his sponsors actually wanted. No deal was a hard sell to the British public so the … Continue reading The behind the scenes deals that seal no deal