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Author: chrispagefiction
Author of the novels Sanctioned, Weed, King of the Undies World, The Underpants Tree, and the story collection Un-Tall Tales. Editor, freelance writer, occasional cartoonist, graphic designer, and all that stuff. At heart he is a London person, but the rest of his body is a long-term exile in Osaka, Japan.
Brexity thought for the day
Many thanks to whoever made this image. If you let us know who you are we’ll credit you here.
Poor Tommy Robinson
Bollocks to 2017, it’s 2018, innit!
2018, innit! Doghouse, dog’s life, dog days, or the actual dog’s bollocks? Live on to find out.
The monopoly on violence
A Christmas message
More revelations from Charlottesville
These gentlemen went along to show their support for fascism at the Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville, Virginia, on August 12th — or were they auditioning for the reshoot of the cover art for this (appropriately titled) famous 1970 album?
(With apologies to Mr Black Sabbath, who has no association with these people or their values.)
Nine hilarious wardrobe malfunctions — don’t injure yourself when you see the last one
Wardrobes. Everyone’s got one. They are supposed to be icons of stolidity and reliability so when they go wrong, the results are hilarious.
Hilarious wardrobe fail no.1
This one has a broken foot and fell down. Ouch! The embarrassment! Epic wardrobe fail!
Hilarious wardrobe fail no.2
This wardrobe also has a broken foot and it fell on and killed some stupid cat. Nice malfunction! LMFAO!
Hilarious wardrobe fail no.3
On account of her Alzheimer’s, Gran uses this one as a toilet. Mal-odour-function!
Hilarious wardrobe fail no.4
Kids like to hide in wardrobes because they feel safe and out of sight. But don’t go near this one — it’s a secret portal that leads to a magical alternative reality with snow queens and talking lions. Don’t leave your kid in here, it’ll get nicked by an witch or something.
Hilarious wardrobe fail no.5
This wardrobe contains the key that would unlock it if anyone could unlock it to get the key. Hilarious fail!
Hilarious wardrobe fail no.6
And this one contains a skeleton — or several. I wonder whose it could be … More to the point, I wonder who they could be!
Hilarious wardrobe fail no.7
This one contains that one thing you’ve been looking for all your life. Now go get it it! An out-of-this-world fail!
Hilarious wardrobe fail no.8
This is the wardrobe that used to contain a lot of gay people, but they all came out and now it has died of loneliness. Aaaaaaaah! Fail!
Hilarious wardrobe fail no.9
This one was an ICBM silo (neat disguise, huh?) When it fell over the warhead detonated destroying the house and the city, and triggered a nuclear war that vaporised the whole planet. Now there are no more wardrobes to malfunction.
Tweety tweety tweetvert
Tweetverts for the recent book, Sanctioned.
All my own work (the tweetverts and the book).
I tracked down the actual fonts used by The Sun and copied their typography for maximum tabloid effect. (Any echoes of Barbara Kruger may not be entirely accidental.)
Engagement with my tweets has noticeably gone up since I started bleeping out these.
Made with InDesign, Photoshop, and lots and lots of tea.
Yes, you may commission me for graphic projects. Tweetverts for the recent book, Sanctioned.
Bollocks to Blair
Tony Blair holds no elected office. Tory Blair represents no one. Tory Blair is a has-been. Tory Blair trots around the globe selling his bottom to any vicious dictator that needs a PR job. Tory Blair is ethically and intellectually empty. Tory Blair is a war criminal. So why oh why does the media hang on his every word?
