Small-handed, bouffant, bloated, bloviating fuckwad. Non-builder of walls. Son of frigid sociopathic privilege. Man baby. Rich kid. Cry baby. Man boob. Master of delusion. Twitter Tourettic. Fabulist. Anacoluthon. Blob. Orange supremacist. Racist. Narcissist. Solipsist. Arriviste. Arsonist. Insurrectionist. Knee-jerk-jerk-jerk fascist, champion of Tiki torch warriors. Golfer. America’s Nero. Emperor encephalitis. Parasite. Mushroom prick. Cockwomble. Chump. Cunt. … Continue reading 45
Author: chrispagefiction
Author of the novels Another Perfect Day in ****ing Paradise, Sanctioned, Weed, King of the Undies World, The Underpants Tree, and the story collection Un-Tall Tales. Editor, freelance writer, occasional cartoonist, graphic designer, and all that stuff. At heart he is a London person, but the rest of his body is in long-term exile in Osaka, Japan.
The behind the scenes deals that seal no deal
Of course there’s no deal. There was never meant to be a deal. The talk, the manoeuvring, the posturing, the negotiations have been an elaborate pantomime, a pretence at getting a deal because no deal was what Johnson and his sponsors actually wanted. No deal was a hard sell to the British public so the … Continue reading The behind the scenes deals that seal no deal
Trump’s achievements ranked!
10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. He lost everything! Loser Trump art by Nails Nathan
Tales from the Magic Money Tree
“The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people’s money.” — Margaret Hilda Thatcher Once upon a time ago there was-wasn’t a magic money tree. When the keeper of the magic money tree gave it a good shake, money would-wouldn’t magically fall from its boughs. The tree was so magic it … Continue reading Tales from the Magic Money Tree
The prettiest Priti of all possible pretty Pritis
Priti Patel is not a bully. We know that because when she heard we were doing an article on her, she came round, broke our pencils, put gravel in the coffee maker, then set fire to the hamster and smacked our heads with its smoking remains. So that’s clear and definite, then. Priti is not … Continue reading The prettiest Priti of all possible pretty Pritis
That election: What’s next?
Image: Chris Page
Priti’s balls-up of string
Build a wall, and build it of finest string! This is Priti Patel in Trump mode on discovering that bricks and barbed wire don’t float. As democracy burns in the UK, Prime Minister Cummings is determined we should keep our eyes firmly locked on displaced families floundering in the Channel, and there is no better … Continue reading Priti’s balls-up of string
Twenty-seven uses for bananas — don’t choke when you see the last one!
How many uses for a banana are there? I can think of a few. mimikaki ear cleaner for people with large earsif tied to the bottom of feet they are a cheap alternative to roller blades by virtue of the slippy quality of banana skinsa crutch for a small person a device for cleaning around the … Continue reading Twenty-seven uses for bananas — don’t choke when you see the last one!
Planetary announcement (or bloviating in the face of Karma)
Art: Nails Nathan
That UK-Japan trade triumph celebrated
From our man in Japan Congratulations to Britain on winning its first post-Brexit trade deal — and with mighty Japan, no less. The champions of the bill tell us triumphantly that Britain can now sell lamb and stilton in unlimited quantities with reduced tariffs to the eager gourmands of the far east. What the Brexit … Continue reading That UK-Japan trade triumph celebrated
