Build a wall, and build it of finest string! This is Priti Patel in Trump mode on discovering that bricks and barbed wire don’t float. As democracy burns in the UK, Prime Minister Cummings is determined we should keep our eyes firmly locked on displaced families floundering in the Channel, and there is no better … Continue reading Priti’s balls-up of string
How many uses for a banana are there? I can think of a few. mimikaki ear cleaner for people with large earsif tied to the bottom of feet they are a cheap alternative to roller blades by virtue of the slippy quality of banana skinsa crutch for a small person a device for cleaning around the … Continue reading Twenty-seven uses for bananas — don’t choke when you see the last one!
Art: Nails Nathan
From our man in Japan Congratulations to Britain on winning its first post-Brexit trade deal — and with mighty Japan, no less. The champions of the bill tell us triumphantly that Britain can now sell lamb and stilton in unlimited quantities with reduced tariffs to the eager gourmands of the far east. What the Brexit … Continue reading That UK-Japan trade triumph celebrated
Peter Hitchens is not dead. Yet, nor has he ever been properly alive. Thinker, author, journalist, columnist, Christian, medievalist, sophist, Peter is the renaissance man of the Daily Mail unenlightenment. A product of the best education money can bribe, the young Hitchens got off to a promising start, embracing reason and humanism. And then with … Continue reading Peter Hitchens: the obituary
Here are ten things you shouldn't do while holding scissors: 1) Use the toilet. 2) Attend the school dance. 3) Jump off the high dive at the public swimming pool. 4) Go skydiving. 5) Walk into the Louvre. 6) Show up at a hospital nursery. 7) Look your best friend in the eyes and say, … Continue reading Ten things you definitely shouldn’t do while holding scissors
By Chris Page
The Right Royal Cockwomble Award, an all-too-frequent honour bestowed exclusively by The Cannibal’s Gazette. The Right Honourable The Lord ‘Jim’ Bethell Lord Bethell this week reassured a nation of dispossessed teens whose life chances have just been shit away by a Tory shit-making algorithm that having your head forcibly held in a bucket of liquid … Continue reading Tory Twats — no.27 in an infinite series — Lord Bethell
Nails Nathan on votin' USA It was written of the comedian W.C. Fields that at a certain point in his life he no longer voted for anyone but chose to vote against. He did not trust politicians, as many of us don't, but he did at least weigh the pros and cons and vote against … Continue reading Vote for Against!
Art by Nails Nathan