Poor Tommy Robinson

PoorTommy31

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More revelations from Charlottesville

These gentlemen went along to show their support for fascism at the Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville, Virginia, on August 12th — or were they auditioning for the reshoot of the cover art for this (appropriately titled) famous 1970 album?

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(With apologies to Mr Black Sabbath, who has no association with these people or their values.)

Nine hilarious wardrobe malfunctions — don’t injure yourself when you see the last one

Wardrobes. Everyone’s got one. They are supposed to be icons of stolidity and reliability so when they go wrong, the results are hilarious.

Hilarious wardrobe fail no.1

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This one has a broken foot and fell down. Ouch! The embarrassment! Epic wardrobe fail!

Hilarious wardrobe fail no.2

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This wardrobe also has a broken foot and it fell on and killed some stupid cat. Nice malfunction! LMFAO!

Hilarious wardrobe fail no.3

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On account of her Alzheimer’s, Gran uses this one as a toilet. Mal-odour-function!

Hilarious wardrobe fail no.4

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Kids like to hide in wardrobes because they feel safe and out of sight. But don’t go near this one — it’s a secret portal that leads to a magical alternative reality with snow queens and talking lions. Don’t leave your kid in here, it’ll get nicked by an witch or something.

Hilarious wardrobe fail no.5

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This wardrobe contains the key that would unlock it if anyone could unlock it to get the key. Hilarious fail!

Hilarious wardrobe fail no.6

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And this one contains a skeleton — or several. I wonder whose it could be … More to the point, I wonder who they could be!

Hilarious wardrobe fail no.7

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This one contains that one thing you’ve been looking for all your life. Now go get it it! An out-of-this-world fail!

Hilarious wardrobe fail no.8

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This is the wardrobe that used to contain a lot of gay people, but they all came out and now it has died of loneliness. Aaaaaaaah! Fail!

Hilarious wardrobe fail no.9

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This one was an ICBM silo (neat disguise, huh?) When it fell over the warhead detonated destroying the house and the city, and triggered a nuclear war that vaporised the whole planet. Now there are no more wardrobes to malfunction.

 

Tweety tweety tweetvert

Chris Page

Tweetverts for the recent book, Sanctioned.

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All my own work (the tweetverts and the book).

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I tracked down the actual fonts used by The Sun and copied their typography for maximum tabloid effect. (Any echoes of Barbara Kruger may not be entirely accidental.)

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Engagement with my tweets has noticeably gone up since I started bleeping out these.

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Made with InDesign, Photoshop, and lots and lots of tea.

Yes, you may commission me for graphic projects. Tweetverts for the recent book, Sanctioned.

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Bollocks to Blair

Tony Blair holds no elected office. Tory Blair represents no one. Tory Blair is a has-been. Tory Blair trots around the globe selling his bottom to any vicious dictator that needs a PR job. Tory Blair is ethically and intellectually empty. Tory Blair is a war criminal.  So why oh why does the media hang on his every word?

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So, who’s been posting stuff on social media without checking its authenticity, eh?

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This ominous ‘Welcome to Australia’ image has been doing the rounds, posted and liked by people ranging from the intelligent and humane to the dibblingly imbecilic — oddly all, within the Cannibal’s line of sight, Brits who clearly feel the Aussies have a thing to two to tell us and are keen to show their righteous disapproval of freeloaders, especially, you know, foreign freeloaders.

Fine. No one likes a scrounger.

One problem here: this photograph isn’t real. The photo isn’t real and the issue behind it isn’t real.

The fact that the ‘sign’ is posted on a country road in Australia, a country that has no land borders, probably ought to set those critical thinking bells ringing.

The image is a Photoshop job. No such sign was ever made by the Australian government.

The image was apparently created and disseminated by an Australian race hate outfit called Freedom of Speech Productions (you can see their logo imposed on the picture), which is associated with the Australian Tea Party (still no alarm bells ringing with the people who posted it?)

It’s a  shoddy fake too. You can actually see the background through the corners of the ‘sign’ thing. Oops!

Clearly the image taps into the myth that there are hordes of people coming over ‘here’ (insert name your country) to sponge off ordinaryhardworkingpeopleeveverywhere, and bring the state to its financial knees, steal the gold from your grandmother’s teeth, etc., etc.

You might be interested to know that not so long ago there was a study done to identify these foreign scroungers in the UK, and find out just how much they were costing the country. You might be even more interested to know that the study was unable to find any of these alleged spongers. The problem is you see, they don’t actually fucking exist.

Not only are they not a millstone on the necks of ordinaryhardworkingpeopleeveverywhere, they just are not.

The scrounging hordes were made up by the tabloids and UKIP and the right wing. Funny how we didn’t hear about that study in the Telegraph, the Mail, the Sun, the Express, the BBC, etc.

Go figure, eh.

Reality check: you can’t claim benefits in the UK if you are not British or an EU citizen. Simple as. Even more simple than that, you can’t claim benefits in the UK even if you are a UK citizen if you are not ordinarily resident in the country. Not even if you are married to a Brit or the progeny of a Brit. Just not a happening thing.

So all this talk of sponging, freeloading, scrounging hordes from other countries is bollocks. Absolute bollocks. And then more bollocks. It is the absolute Platonic form of bollocks for fuck’s sake.

Of course people admitted as refugees will get limited state support. But it is very small, as is the numbers of people — small handfuls — admitted to the country is minute and will have no discernible impact on the economy (except to contribute to it when they start working).

If we want to talk about freeloaders — and there is a conversation to be had about freeloaders — perhaps we could start with Google, Starbucks, Amazon, who are foreigners who DO come over here cap in hand and then pay little or no tax on business done within the UK. Look at the recent deal done between the Conservative government and Google, which let the company off something like 80 per cent of its tax bill. Imagine if you or I went to the tax man and said ‘I don’t feel like paying all this, so let’s do a deal.’ Yes, we’d end up in prison.

Just for fun — because I know at heart you are a rationalist — here’s scrounging and sponging and freeloading in actual numbers:

Social Security Fraud 1.7 Billion

Social Security unclaimed 4 Billion

Tax evasion and avoidance 120 Billion

So welcome to your reality check. If you want to be taken seriously check your facts. Credibility is not free.