Tales from the Magic Money Tree

“The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people’s money.” — Margaret Hilda Thatcher Once upon a time ago there was-wasn’t a magic money tree. When the keeper of the magic money tree gave it a good shake, money would-wouldn’t magically fall from its boughs.  The tree was so magic it … Continue reading Tales from the Magic Money Tree

The prettiest Priti of all possible pretty Pritis

Priti Patel is not a bully. We know that because when she heard we were doing an article on her, she came round, broke our pencils, put gravel in the coffee maker, then set fire to the hamster and smacked our heads with its smoking remains.  So that’s clear and definite, then.  Priti is not … Continue reading The prettiest Priti of all possible pretty Pritis

Priti’s balls-up of string

Build a wall, and build it of finest string! This is Priti Patel in Trump mode on discovering that bricks and barbed wire don’t float.  As democracy burns in the UK, Prime Minister Cummings is determined we should keep our eyes firmly locked on displaced families floundering in the Channel, and there is no better … Continue reading Priti’s balls-up of string

Twenty-seven uses for bananas — don’t choke when you see the last one!

How many uses for a banana are there? I can think of a few. mimikaki ear cleaner for people with large earsif tied to the bottom of feet they are a cheap alternative to roller blades by virtue of the slippy quality of banana skinsa crutch for a small person a device for cleaning around the … Continue reading Twenty-seven uses for bananas — don’t choke when you see the last one!

That UK-Japan trade triumph celebrated

From our man in Japan Congratulations to Britain on winning its first post-Brexit trade deal — and with mighty Japan, no less.  The champions of the bill tell us triumphantly that Britain can now sell lamb and stilton in unlimited quantities with reduced tariffs to the eager gourmands of the far east.  What the Brexit … Continue reading That UK-Japan trade triumph celebrated

Peter Hitchens: the obituary

Peter Hitchens is not dead. Yet, nor has he ever been properly alive.  Thinker, author, journalist, columnist, Christian, medievalist, sophist, Peter is the renaissance man of the Daily Mail unenlightenment. A product of the best education money can bribe, the young Hitchens got off to a promising start, embracing reason and humanism. And then with … Continue reading Peter Hitchens: the obituary

Ten things you definitely shouldn’t do while holding scissors

Here are ten things you shouldn't do while holding scissors: 1) Use the toilet. 2) Attend the school dance. 3)  Jump off the high dive at the public swimming pool. 4)  Go skydiving. 5)  Walk into the Louvre. 6)  Show up at a hospital nursery. 7)  Look your best friend in the eyes and say, … Continue reading Ten things you definitely shouldn’t do while holding scissors