Jordan Peterson’s 12 rules for life

☞ Stand up straight, be polite, speak nice.

☞ Live with honour.

☞ Sit up straight at dinner time. Never put your elbows on the table. Sit up straight at dinner time without elbows but with honour.

☞ Polish your shoes every day. Never put your elbows in the shoe polish. Polish your shoes every day with honour. Honour your nice clean shoes as your nice clean shoes honour you.

☞ Respect your elders and betters. Respect God. Respect Jordan Peterson. Honour Jordan Peterson.

☞ Never walk on the cracks in the pavement.

☞ Always wear clean underwear in case you get run over. Never put your elbows on the bonnet of a car that has run you over. Always eat your greens.

☞ Clean your room. 

☞ Clean your room again, this time with honour.

☞ Always wear a hat. The cultural Marxists will try to drill holes in your skull and fill your head with impure thoughts.  A stout hat of finest tinfoil will keep them out. 

☞ Polish your tinfoil hat regularly.

☞ Always check under your bed before you get in it to make sure there are no cultural Marxists hiding under it because they will grab your ankles when you get up in the night to wee and drag you back and force you to masturbate into the nice clean sheets then toss you into Hell where you will have to spend an eternity explaining the eggy mess in your bed to your dear meemaw. 

☞ Never talk to witches. That goes for dragons too. Talk only to a woman if she is conscientious and agreeable but be sure to wear sterile gloves and a mask when you do. 

☞ Accept responsibility and always blame women and cultural Marxists for everything, like when you can’t get laid or like when people think you are pathetic and inadequate. You are pathetic and inadequate because cultural Marxists and women have made you that way. 

☞ Clean your room some more. 

☞ To live is to suffer, but if no woman will fuck you, drive a truck at as many of the slags, whores and harlots as you can find and splatter their slutty little bodies all over the sidewalk. Because women are chaos and men are order. 

☞ Always be a gentleman. Always lay flowers on the bloodied corpses of the women you just mowed down.

☞ Always stop to pet a lobster

☞ Always, always, always give money to Jordan Peterson. You can do this in the form of donations, coming to his shows, buying his books, and many more. See website for details and have your credit card handy.

Image by David Waywell

Text: Chris Page

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