Tag: bollocks

Jordan Peterson’s 12 rules for life

☞ Stand up straight, be polite, speak nice. ☞ Live with honour. ☞ Sit up straight at dinner time. Never put your elbows on the table. Sit up straight at dinner time without elbows but with honour. ☞ Polish your shoes every day. Never put your elbows in the shoe polish. Polish your shoes every … Continue reading Jordan Peterson’s 12 rules for life

The Cannibal’s Gazette Keir Starmer interview

CannGaz: Thank you for joining us Sir Keir. The Tories have been dishing out government contracts worth billions of pounds to their donors and old school friends, in many cases these people were not experienced or competent in the areas of expertise for which they were paid. So while they got fat, they failed to … Continue reading The Cannibal’s Gazette Keir Starmer interview

Bullworker

Len Sell is principal consultant at Leisure Arts PLC, manufacturer of the world-famous Bullworker- its UK head office based in Kings Cross, a stone’s throw from intelligent cultured people in beautiful Islington, & despite a fair degree of gentrification, still squatting like a melanoma upon the crown of brainy Bloomsbury. Accessing reception via a no-nonsense … Continue reading Bullworker

45

Small-handed, bouffant, bloated, bloviating fuckwad. Non-builder of walls. Son of frigid sociopathic privilege. Man baby. Rich kid. Cry baby. Man boob. Master of delusion. Twitter Tourettic. Fabulist. Anacoluthon. Blob. Orange supremacist. Racist. Narcissist. Solipsist. Rentier. Arriviste. Arsonist. Insurrectionist. Knee-jerk-jerk-jerk fascist, champion of Tiki torch warriors. Golfer. America’s Nero. Emperor encephalitis. Parasite. Mushroom prick. Cockwomble. Chump. … Continue reading 45

Priti’s balls-up of string

Build a wall, and build it of finest string! This is Priti Patel in Trump mode on discovering that bricks and barbed wire don’t float.  As democracy burns in the UK, Prime Minister Cummings is determined we should keep our eyes firmly locked on displaced families floundering in the Channel, and there is no better … Continue reading Priti’s balls-up of string

That UK-Japan trade triumph celebrated

From our man in Japan Congratulations to Britain on winning its first post-Brexit trade deal — and with mighty Japan, no less.  The champions of the bill tell us triumphantly that Britain can now sell lamb and stilton in unlimited quantities with reduced tariffs to the eager gourmands of the far east.  What the Brexit … Continue reading That UK-Japan trade triumph celebrated

Tory Twats — no.27 in an infinite series — Lord Bethell

The Right Royal Cockwomble Award, an all-too-frequent honour bestowed exclusively by The Cannibal’s Gazette. The Right Honourable The Lord ‘Jim’ Bethell Lord Bethell this week reassured a nation of dispossessed teens whose life chances have just been shit away by a Tory shit-making algorithm that having your head forcibly held in a bucket of liquid … Continue reading Tory Twats — no.27 in an infinite series — Lord Bethell

EU army to conscript Brits aged between 18 and 25 — the story in full

Social media has been reporting that the EU is making plans to conscript all European males between the ages of 18 and 25 into their new EU army.  This news may have benefitted the UK’s Leave campaign by driving people into their camp.  And quite right, too. An undemocratic unelected super government stealing our children … Continue reading EU army to conscript Brits aged between 18 and 25 — the story in full