The Right Royal Cockwomble Award, an all-too-frequent honour bestowed exclusively by The Cannibal’s Gazette. The Right Honourable The Lord ‘Jim’ Bethell Lord Bethell this week reassured a nation of dispossessed teens whose life chances have just been shit away by a Tory shit-making algorithm that having your head forcibly held in a bucket of liquid … Continue reading Tory Twats — no.27 in an infinite series — Lord Bethell
In the news this week, yet another Conservative MP has allegedly been caught with someone else’s underpants down. An as-yet unnamed former minister has been arrested on charges of rape and sexual assault. Once again, an elected representative has elected to get stuck in as only a right honourable gentleman knows how. The nation waits … Continue reading How rapey is your MP?
A second look-in for UKIP today: What happens when renewable energy runs out? Well, that will happen in about 4 billion years when the sun runs out of fissionable materials. Incidentally, UKIP persons, that's the sun in the sky, not the newspaper of the same name. Ukip candidate wonders "what happens when renewable energy runs … Continue reading Ukip candidate wonders “what happens when renewable energy runs out?”
One of the Chelsea fans in the Paris Metro racism incident in which supporters stopped a black guy from getting on the train while making racist chants turns out to be a big fan of UKIP's Nigel Farage. The linked article includes a photo of the two together. Chelsea fan in Paris Métro video posed … Continue reading Chelsea fan in Paris Métro video posed in picture with Nigel Farage | Politics | The Guardian
A UKIP spokesperson today confirmed that leader Nigel Farage is not in fact a fish. 'I can confirm that Nigel is not in fact a fish,' said the UKIP spokesperson, speaking on condition he not be grilled or turned into a piquant carpaccio. 'He just smokes like a fish,' the spokesperson who isn't a fish … Continue reading UKIP news – Nigel Farage is not a fish
The results of the European election are in. Now it’s clear that England, fed up with neighbours, noise and diversity, has voted to leave Europe, the Cannibal asks which continent the country would like to join instead. North America At first glance a winner: right next door to all those film stars and super-size servings … Continue reading After the European vote: Where next for England?