EU army to conscript Brits aged between 18 and 25 — the story in full

Social media has been reporting that the EU is making plans to conscript all European males between the ages of 18 and 25 into their new EU army. 

This news may have benefitted the UK’s Leave campaign by driving people into their camp. 

And quite right, too. An undemocratic unelected super government stealing our children for their crypto-fascist military is European evil at its height. 

Or would be if the story were true. But it’s a complete lie. 

The EU has no plans to conscript anyone. 

The EU can’t even conscript anyone because only a government can do that, and the EU is not a government, it’s a trade bloc. 

The individual member countries determine their own defence policies and control their own armed forces. None have plans to conscript people into an EU army.

There isn’t even an EU army, nor will there be one. That’s more propaganda from the right wing and Leave campaigners.

The EU member states have policies of military cooperation. This makes sense because they are neighbours with common interests sandwiched between two unreliable super powers, Russia and the US. But cooperation is a far cry from an EU army.

Cooperation happens all the time.

Most of the EU countries are already cooperating as members of Nato. No one has suggested that Nato is a supra-national army nor that it might conscript troops from member states. Is that because the conscription stories have been generated to raise hostility to the EU? 

The claims of EU conscription are usually accompanied by a photo of soldiers in full battle order marching against a backdrop of an EU flag. 

The soldiers in the photo are not even from any European army. They are American and wear the insignia of the 101st Airborne Division. In some versions of the photos, the airborne insignia has been photoshopped out and replaced with an EU flag. 

For those people still worried that Britain might yet be compelled to commit its youth to a foreign army, the UK successfully opted out of the ERM, the Euro and the Shengen agreement, and so would be able to opt out of an EU army. Not that there will be one. 

The Cannibal is confident that not even the twisted brains that have spread the conscription story believe it. It’s another part of project fear to get you bothered into supporting Leave.  

EU conscription meme as it popped up on Facebook.
EU army
Another version prior to the Brexit referendum, explicitly planting an untrue idea in the heads of voters.
EU army 01_n
The insignia of the 101st Airborne is clearly visible.
This image has been doctored to replace the insignia of the 101st Airborne with an EU flag.

There are some who say that the EU is undemocratic #EUreferendum

There are some who say that the EU is undemocratic.

Good. I look forward to their campaigns to get rid of the UK’s unelected head of state, I look forward to them supporting the dissolution of the UK’s unelected second chamber of Parliament, the House of Lords, I eagerly anticipate them forbidding unelected media owners propagandising through their news outlets, and most of all I look forward to them separating business and politics to stop the practice of the unelected CEOs buying politicians to favour their industries.


After the European vote: Where next for England?

image loading
He voted to leave Europe

The results of the European election are in. Now it’s clear that England, fed up with neighbours, noise and diversity, has voted to leave Europe, the Cannibal asks which continent the country would like to join instead.


North America

At first glance a winner: right next door to all those film stars and super-size servings of heart attack.

Downside? It’s North America. No sense of irony. The US doesn’t want neighbours either and builds walls to keep them out. And as for that special relationship, most Americans think England is to be found between New York and Canada. And then there’s Canada. Can you put up with the world’s most affable people coming round to be friendly every five minutes, and wearing plaid at the same time? No. Just not English.


Asian sub continent

Fantastic food and should be a good laugh considering the way we’ve treated people who’ve tried to move from there to England.



Great cultures and diversity, fantastic music, fab scenery and an entire zoo outside the front gate. This place has definite possibilities.

Standard of living a bit patchy and the quality of life potentially marred by internecine conflicts and bizarre viruses with difficult names. Moving next to the very people UKIP have been demonising might hit property values. Their property values, not ours.



Advantages: cute penguins, lots of privacy. But: will bring us face to face with the consequences of climate change we don’t believe in and might get swamped by the waves caused by collapsing ice shelves. Chilly even compared to Morecombe.


South America

Too exciting. The average English head would explode confronted with all that movement and colour. Would also place the nation in close proximity to millions of speakers of Spanish and Portuguese, two languages we have been busy not learning for hundreds of years.

Some people might think it a laugh to anchor England next to the Falklands, but would change their mind when they discover there’s even less chance of a summer there than in our current location and the defence force jets keep the dogs barking all night.


East Asia

Good food and the promise of weird esoteric stuff, but if you’re bothered by neighbours here, try living next door to China or North Korea.



Don’t even think about it. We wouldn’t get close. They’d send out the navy and tow us back where we came from.


The Pacific

Now we’re talking. Not so much a continent as a huge, empty patch of wet, the middle of the Pacific would have the advantage of nice weather and no bothersome neighbours or funny languages to deal with, unless you wanted to learn to speak fish.