One Enchanted evening in Whites: so, let us start honestly, without indulging in faux ideological one-upmanship, or casually pretending that back-in-the-day I sat in snug splendour upon a warm seat of influence as a committee member in the Comintern; or even gigged as junior editor of Lotta Continua. I did, but that’s a whole new scandal, a cast of … Continue reading Yob

Priti’s balls-up of string

Build a wall, and build it of finest string! This is Priti Patel in Trump mode on discovering that bricks and barbed wire don’t float.  As democracy burns in the UK, Prime Minister Cummings is determined we should keep our eyes firmly locked on displaced families floundering in the Channel, and there is no better … Continue reading Priti’s balls-up of string

Twenty-seven uses for bananas — don’t choke when you see the last one!

How many uses for a banana are there? I can think of a few. mimikaki ear cleaner for people with large earsif tied to the bottom of feet they are a cheap alternative to roller blades by virtue of the slippy quality of banana skinsa crutch for a small person a device for cleaning around the … Continue reading Twenty-seven uses for bananas — don’t choke when you see the last one!

Window Shopping with l’Étranger

In a mall, pressing against those glass exteriors fronting numerous interchangeable shops; it could be an emporium dedicated to exclusive Provençal face cream- whatever, I stare inside like a piqued Martian. Part of the reason I’m outside involves exogenous factors: born into a small family flat, rented by unhappy parents, battling, blaming, adventurously polygamous, accusatory, uneducated, … Continue reading Window Shopping with l’Étranger

That UK-Japan trade triumph celebrated

From our man in Japan Congratulations to Britain on winning its first post-Brexit trade deal — and with mighty Japan, no less.  The champions of the bill tell us triumphantly that Britain can now sell lamb and stilton in unlimited quantities with reduced tariffs to the eager gourmands of the far east.  What the Brexit … Continue reading That UK-Japan trade triumph celebrated

Peter Hitchens: the obituary

Peter Hitchens is not dead. Yet, nor has he ever been properly alive.  Thinker, author, journalist, columnist, Christian, medievalist, sophist, Peter is the renaissance man of the Daily Mail unenlightenment. A product of the best education money can bribe, the young Hitchens got off to a promising start, embracing reason and humanism. And then with … Continue reading Peter Hitchens: the obituary

Ten things you definitely shouldn’t do while holding scissors

Here are ten things you shouldn't do while holding scissors: 1) Use the toilet. 2) Attend the school dance. 3)  Jump off the high dive at the public swimming pool. 4)  Go skydiving. 5)  Walk into the Louvre. 6)  Show up at a hospital nursery. 7)  Look your best friend in the eyes and say, … Continue reading Ten things you definitely shouldn’t do while holding scissors

Owning a Daughter

Owning a Daughter is, as every parent knows, a bittersweet experience. After crossing those magical Rubicons in your growing girl’s life, from cutting a first tiny tooth, through cutely speaking her first girlish words, bunching tresses, purchasing an inaugural grown-up dress, earnestly watching romantic Disney films, to stabling her first little pony, arrives the ‘awkward … Continue reading Owning a Daughter