Owning a Daughter

Owning a Daughter is, as every parent knows, a bittersweet experience.

After crossing those magical Rubicons in your growing girl’s life, from cutting a first tiny tooth, through cutely speaking her first girlish words, bunching tresses, purchasing an inaugural grown-up dress, earnestly watching romantic Disney films, to stabling her first little pony, arrives the ‘awkward age’. Coping with evolving female maturity can cause difficulty & divisions, even in England’s best ordered families. As she wilfully develops toward becoming a ‘person’ in her own right, she typically wishes to exercise quasi-independent lifestyle choices. Invariably, vanity will prompt her to wear inappropriate clothing; listen to unsuitable music at unreasonable volumes- resenting well intentioned attempts on your part to modify her unseemly behaviour. However, the thorny matter in which ‘we’ need to apply most control is the sensitive one of premarital sexual relationships.

Oftentimes, an impossible task, leading to embarrassment & distress for both ‘us’ & ‘them’; one must be prepared to suffer endless sullen silences, unpredictable flouncing’s, & the company of boys, from a type of family you would not, ordinarily, invite into your home. This hazardous, awkward age, occurs as your daughter reaches puberty, as most do between the tender ages of ten to thirteen years. During this pubic timeframe, her vulva will enlarge, & she might also experience abdominal discomfort- appearing sulkier still. Girls, at this juncture, are commonly said to be on ‘heat’ (alternatively, in season). She will attract random males from her very first day of coming into heat, but likely won’t demonstrate too much interest in her persistent admirers, until about a week to ten days pass. Conception is likeliest to crop-up within four days, following her initial signs of heat, yet infuriatingly pregnancies can take place before, or after, this period. Thankfully, preventative medicine is readily available (see Q&A below).

Control of Heat & the use of DelvesteronTM

Q. What can be done to gain an advantage in heat control?

A. There are two recommended approaches.

1. Surgery: a physician can perform a routine operation, removing ovaries & uterus; colloquially described as spaying or ‘gillicking’, afterwards a daughter will no longer come into season (however she will never be able to reproduce). A little weight gain, & character change, could manifest, but in an absence of medical or psychological objections, this is the best course of action, if one has no intention of breeding her.

2. Chemical control: nowadays girls can be administered artificial hormones to prevent them entering into season, or to control an unfolding ‘heat’ once started.

Q. How are these hormones applied?

A. Orally: if the subject is an unwilling recipient, one can crumble tablets & add them to her daily food. In any case, tablets can only be used over a short space of time. DelvesteronTM  is a safe, effective injection, specifically manufactured to manage heat; a unique composition enables doctors to apply it in numerous different ways to best suit, not only your type of daughter, but also any individual requirement of your own. To use DelvesteronTM  means not having to fuss, or remember to keep tablets- it is a permanent solution.

Q. What should I do if I want to employ DelvesteronTMto avoid heat related issues?

A. Discuss the subject with your doctor; he’ll advise a methodical bespoke POA.

Q. When should I broach matters our family doctor?

A. Ideally, allow your daughter to process her first, natural menstrual cycle- before contacting your doctor, three weeks after, to discuss a plan of action.

Q. What is he likely to advise?

A. If your desired outcome is relatively simple, for example, avoiding a regrettable situation such an emergence of heat coinciding with a special occasion, be it a garden party event, vacation, or when entertaining important visitors, who may own an adolescent son- then, as a practical precaution, a doctor could deliver a single-serving injection a month in advance.

A (i). If you’re determined to rid yourself of all future inconvenience, your doctor will probably prescribe a series of injections, at tri-monthly intervals.

Q. What can be done if my daughter is already on heat?

A. A one-off injection will curtail the duration of her heat, so if she does succeed in mating during this time, without your consent, then she shouldn’t be impregnated.

Q. If I change my mind, & decide to breed my daughter, will it still be possible?

A. Yes! Tests show that DelvesteronTM doesn’t affect longer-term breeding capabilities (although there might be an increased incidence of birth defects).

Q. How much do the injections cost?

A. Actual costs depend on various factors, particularly the amount of DelvesteronTMdeployed. Thus, the total cost for a fat, feckless daughter, will exceed the price for a petite young lady. Fees also relate to the length of consultations- on average however, your doctor’s bill should be equivalent to the expense incurred from dispatching your little woman off for a couple of weeks stay at a Girl Guides camp, or a weekend’s school-trip to France.

Q. Are the injections liable to upset my daughter?

A. Apart from exhibiting transient pain, in reaction to the injection, & developing a small subcutaneous nodule, one shouldn’t anticipate any ill effects or decrease in appetite (although parents would be wise to inform skittish daughters, that her scheduled injection is for designed for some other benign purpose e.g. to prevent cholera, or whooping cough).

The need for heat control

There exist a great number of valid reasons why responsible parents should control heat in their daughters. The four most important are listed below:

  1. To gain a healthy advantage- reduce a risk of uterine problems, mammary tumours, & pseudocyesis.
  2. To prevent an unwanted pregnancy.
  3. To transform headstrong daughters into a consistently companionable family member.
  4. To make the task of owning a daughter more convenient- avoiding associated problems, such as messy bleeding, unsightly vulval swelling, attractiveness to boys, & the ancillary hindrance of having to keep her confined against her will.

— Story by Evan Findlay Hay

Art by Nails Nathan

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