After the European vote: Where next for England?

The results of the European election are in. Now it’s clear that England, fed up with neighbours, noise and diversity, has voted to leave Europe, the Cannibal asks which continent the country would like to join instead.   North America At first glance a winner: right next door to all those film stars and super-size servings … Continue reading After the European vote: Where next for England?

Revealed: how the Titanic didn’t sink

Today the startling truth was revealed about the fate of the infamous cruise liner the Titanic. For over 100 years it was thought that the Titanic hit an iceberg in the Atlantic and sank with the loss of over 1,500 lives. In reality, the Titanic did not sink, but after discharging its passengers sailed on … Continue reading Revealed: how the Titanic didn’t sink

CNN — purveyors of good taste, innit

Well done CNN! The international news service has framed the news of Nelson Mandela's passing with high-gloss Gucci ads — a juxtaposition lacking the taste Gucci would like to be known for, and which is apparently alien to CNN. Another hideous resonance from this collision is the gap in wealth between black Africans and their … Continue reading CNN — purveyors of good taste, innit

If you are innocent, you have nothing to fear

I was sitting in the bath the other night when I was surprised to see a periscope rise out of the water at my feet. A glassy eye in the lens fixed on me while I attempted to preserve some dignity with my flannel. 'Do not be alarmed,' said the periscope. 'Why not?' I asked. … Continue reading If you are innocent, you have nothing to fear

Heads and balls ‹ the royal baby’s name explained

Interesting choice of names for the royal baby: George Alexander Louis. George is an, old traditional name favoured by grandfathers, which ages the child by two generations before he is out of his cot. George is also a kingly name and brings to mind George III who lost north America and his marbles, both. St. … Continue reading Heads and balls ‹ the royal baby’s name explained