A UKIP spokesperson today confirmed that leader Nigel Farage is not in fact a fish.
‘I can confirm that Nigel is not in fact a fish,’ said the UKIP spokesperson, speaking on condition he not be grilled or turned into a piquant carpaccio.
‘He just smokes like a fish,’ the spokesperson who isn’t a fish either added.
Responding to the point that Farage has aligned the party with some of the most notorious fish in Europe, the spokesperson insisted that Farage had done nothing of the sort.
‘These fine fish are ex-fish. They have confirmed in writing that they are strictly former fish and that they have renounced fishiness.’
Said Paul Dacrefish, political analyst of the Daily Haddock, ‘Old Nigel is no fish. He’s a bit of a piscine head, but he’s no fish as such.’
The Cannibal's Gazette 