Tales from the Magic Money Tree

“The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people’s money.” — Margaret Hilda Thatcher Once upon a time ago there was-wasn’t a magic money tree. When the keeper of the magic money tree gave it a good shake, money would-wouldn’t magically fall from its boughs. The tree was so magic it … Continue reading Tales from the Magic Money Tree

Ten things you definitely shouldn’t do while holding scissors

Here are ten things you shouldn't do while holding scissors: 1) Use the toilet. 2) Attend the school dance. 3) Jump off the high dive at the public swimming pool. 4) Go skydiving. 5) Walk into the Louvre. 6) Show up at a hospital nursery. 7) Look your best friend in the eyes and say, … Continue reading Ten things you definitely shouldn’t do while holding scissors

God:

GOD: In the beginning there was a poem about a GodIn His once upon a time was His happy ever after.Emerging from the chrysalis of His own potentialityHe stood, immaculately conceived, top filled to bright brim with youthfulvigourLike a March calf amongst the buttercupsAt the solid base of His consciousness-And there He waited, panting with … Continue reading God:

Russell Howard: the obituary

Obituary: 2020 is shaping up to be, without question an annus horribilis, for many reasons; not just because of our farkakte Prime Minster & assembled conservative clowns, but for the unanticipated depletion of UK light entertainment & great British games shows. Sadly we’ve whispered tearful adieus to many tragically departed troupers, the like of whom … Continue reading Russell Howard: the obituary

Tory Twats — no.27 in an infinite series — Lord Bethell

The Right Royal Cockwomble Award, an all-too-frequent honour bestowed exclusively by The Cannibal’s Gazette. The Right Honourable The Lord ‘Jim’ Bethell Lord Bethell this week reassured a nation of dispossessed teens whose life chances have just been shit away by a Tory shit-making algorithm that having your head forcibly held in a bucket of liquid … Continue reading Tory Twats — no.27 in an infinite series — Lord Bethell